Choosing a school for your child

So anyway, this week, following a process significantly more taxing upon one’s mind and conscience than that which attends the purchase of a house, we finally settled on a school for our daughter. After shortlisting two schools, here’s what swung it for us:

  1. It’s right next door to the fush ‘n’ chup shop, which means healthy lunches and so fit minds.
  2. It’s over the road from the fushing ‘n’ hunting shop, which means that I’ll be significantly more excited about doing school pick-ups and drop offs, and that kids who aren’t interested in taking up pansie sports like netball and touch rugby can pop over and buy a crossbow or gun and take up some really worthwhile sport like sheep- and/or zombie-hunting. I’m all for cat culls too.
  3. The main road which runs right through the middle of the campus encourages the entire local community to get involved in the battle to keep class sizes down. (This means fewer queues at the hunting shop too.)
  4. They offer free drum lessons!

So on your bike kid … have fun out there, and if you learn how to count or think along the way, then that’s OK; we can deal with that later. And as fa spellin an stuff wee got spel cheque noow aniwaye cept that mynes not workeeng. So just stick with the basics – playtimes and fush ‘n’ chup lunches.

BTW: For those of you who currently reside in other sectors of the empire, this video (sent to me by a guy whose wife – or son – stole my Bible; so not the most reputable of types) may help decode some of this post:


  1. If only the parents at the school I work at followed your reasoning. Our school doesn’t have a lot going for it – not near any food shops, not near any hunting & fishing shops, and main road doesn’t dissect playground. We thoughtlessly keep on trying to teach the kids to spell (and the principal leads the school band). What a bunch of losers!


  2. It’s always a wee bit gratifying to teach someone a lesson. For it to be effective, though, there needs to be respect – on both sides.


  3. You forgot
    6. The school name inspires a sense of self-worth and orthodoxy.

    (I’m assuming that the tattoo-parlour-that-used-to-be-a-second-hand-bookstore and-has-creatively-reused-the-signage is 5).

    PS, try to get her into the models – best education a child could wish for. – At least it was 25 years ago.

    Yaaaaaaaay school!

    Did I tell you I loved it there?


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